why??

why?

is this just in my head? Am I overthinking? Am i creating thoughts in my head thats not real?

Now see to me the most painful thing to me is that i explain all this, i explain all that effects me and makes me start the overthinking which leads to my melt downs and spiral. I get told it needs to stop, that i need to change and of course i agree and understand that, i do need to change i want change.

my issue here is why wont they???

im the most horrible person in the world for how i act, how i handle things

but wait...... what about what happened for me to blow and act the way i do?? not sure anyone stops to think about that.... oh god no of course not im the bad guy... its all about me kicking off ...

has anyone ever stopped to think that maybe ive had enough of feeling shit, feeling like im not important, like im worthless , that nothing i ever do is or will be good enough.

have you ever stopped to think that im not the bad person to feel like shit that the constant woman that you still entertain as find it funny hurts.... that the constant jokes about other women (no matter how many times i tell you effects me)

what about  the constant telling me everything you want and need and what makes you happy , yet not letting me open up and tell you or telling me what i want or need doesnt matter.

no one wants to see all the things that build up just how fucking wrong i am for breaking then wonder why i say that im alone....... so can any one actully answer WHY????????